Does He Complete You or Complement You?

Hi Sisters,

I do hope you ladies had a great Valentines’ Day and an even better night. For me, I toasted myself with a glass of Bailey’s Rum Cream (my favourite liqueur) and retired to bed after watching reruns of 227 and listening to several greetings on the radio.

I may have heard about seven lovely greetings from the ladies to their men with the line that read “Baby you complete me.” The greetings from the men to their ladies were  also sweet but ironically I never heard “baby you complete me” in any of them. I asked myself is it that the men complete the women and the women don’t?

From there, I formed the idea of writing this blog.

“Complete” used a verb is defined as being provided with the item or items necessary to make (something) full or entire.

What do we use to determine that a man completes us? What does a man truly gives us that make us whole?

Forgive me for being cynical, but how can a man possibly complete you when he has not completed some of the fundamental elements in building a wholesome relationship?

This article clearly would not apply to the women who have wonderful men (I still believe a few good men are left out there) that are keeping you happy. I salute those men and hope that they can teach their fellow brethren a thing or two about complementing their women.

Some of us women dare to utter that a man completes us when we have been with them for five, ten, fifteen years and the man finds it quite difficult to say “I love you.” They are afraid to express their emotions, tell you that they miss you. Let us look at some situations which I am sure more than a few of us women have experienced.

  • You have your hair done and put on a nice dress and he refuses to say “Baby, you look good.”
  • You had a major achievement at work or at school and he refuses to say “I am proud of you.”
  • How about the nice dinner you made last night and he consumed it without a compliment?
  • Let us take it to the bedroom after dinner when you put it down so good (head top and all these things) on a brother and all he did was roll over and fall asleep.

Do we still believe that the man completes us after being with him for a lifetime and he is still not sure if he wants to “wife” you? Does he complete you when he does not want to have a steady job or has not chosen a career path? Just saying.

The word “complement” is described as a thing that contributes extra features to something else in such a way as to improve or emphasize its quality. Do our men improve or emphasize our quality as the woman that stands beside him?

At times we compromise to meet a man halfway and that is okay, but how much compromise is too much compromise? I would like to believe that over compromising is tilting a little towards worshipping. Compromise is okay if he is compromising too. It cannot and should not be a one way street. We need to stop making these men into gods and making excuses for them.

If he says he loves you, then no it’s not okay for him to be flirting and messing around with other women. When they do that and we justify it by saying “A man dem name”, it gives them the freedom to do it over and over again.

If you set standards, do not lower them because desperation kicks in and we feel the need that we must hold on for dear life to keep that relationship. There are times when these men that “complete” us are not even at the level to have a conversation with much less to keep a relationship with them (OUCH).

The moment he becomes uncomfortable with your standards, then that is your cue to go.  Move on. “Leggo di bwoy.” It is appalling the standard of men that some of us women allow to take “liberty” of  us. Imagine a”Good up good up woman” like yourself allowing some fool to take advantage of you.

Life is too short and too much of a blessing to waste it. Our 20’s and our 30’s are the prime time of our lives, and sadly this is where many of us women waste way too much time in relationships that are nothing but dead weight.

Sister, its his loss, not yours. We are awesome, we are beautiful, we are the full package. Sometimes they never realize what is good until its gone. Some men will come crying with regret while others, out of pride and embarrassment  will not. Whichever way it turns out, live your life for yourself, do what makes you happy.

We must never forget that he bleeds just like you if he is wounded, he breathes just like you while he is alive and he will be buried “six feet under” when he is dead just like you. A man is simply just that, a man, not God Almighty. “Him nuh more than yuh!”

Lord knows, I enjoy the companionship of a man, especially if the sex is great. But when that thirty minutes (sometimes less) is over and reality kicks in, I suddenly remember that I am at the same place I was yesterday.

Being purpose driven, happy and living the way God intended us to live should be our main focus.  I suggest another “C” word that you could aspire to when you send your next Valentine Greeting which could be “Baby, you complement me.”

His dreams and ambition should synchronize with yours to achieve nothing but the best. There should be mutual love and respect. His attributes should make you shine even brighter. It is yours for the taking. Demand it because you deserve it!

From one sister to the next, I wish you an abundance of love, joy and happiness.

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